at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
