Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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