i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
