I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
