Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
