im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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