is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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