Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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