In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
