umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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