By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
