Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
