i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
