I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
