i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
