Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
