Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize