Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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