I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize