you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
