also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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