i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize