You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
