K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
