How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize