I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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