he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
