I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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