Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
