Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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