i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
