She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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