I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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