Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
