A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize