ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
