friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
