on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
