I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
