Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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