O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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