I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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