I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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