do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
