I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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