Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
