Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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