a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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