I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
