We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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