My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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