I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
