I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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