I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
