I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
