Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
