Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
