i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
