Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize