just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
