I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
