When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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