he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
