I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
