I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have post one night stand depression
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
