it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize