We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
