i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
