Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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